


The Good Doctor - The Toy Scalpel

by Soquilii9



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: Gen, Grief, Hope, Soliloquy, Wistful, Yearning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 14:24:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12459636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soquilii9/pseuds/Soquilii9
Summary: Shaun's inner dialog.  He wants to explain to you why his toy scalpel is so important to him.  He does not want you to tease him about it.





	The Good Doctor - The Toy Scalpel

 

_‘I got you a present.’_

_‘It's not my birthday.’_

_‘I got you a present anyway.  Here…  Never forget, you're the smart one.  You can do anything.  And I'm proud of you, Shaun.’_

 

The scalpel in my pocket is not real.  It is a toy.  It came in a child’s doctor kit that I got from Steve when I was fourteen.  We moved into the bus.  It was Steve’s idea.  We couldn’t live at home any more.  My bunny died when Dad threw him against the wall.  My bunny went to heaven in front of my eyes.  Mom would not do anything.  She could not do anything.  Steve said Dad drove us away from home and we were going to leave.  We found a broken down bus in a junkyard and moved in.  Steve lied to strangers to get us money.  We taped plastic to the windows and stuffed old newspapers in cracks.  We ate out of cans.  There was no TV.  Steve gave me a present.  It was a doctor kit with a little stethoscope, some tweezers, a thermometer, scissors, a syringe and scalpel.  Lots of other things that doctors use.  I remember playing with it when there was nothing else to do when we got home from school.  Dad didn’t want us and Mom couldn’t have us but I knew as long as Steve was with me I was going to be all right.

Then Steve went to heaven in front of my eyes.

I’m autistic.  I know what the condition is because I studied medicine.  After Steve went to heaven my bunny’s doctor came to see me in the hospital.  I heard them talking about where to put me, about what to do with me since I couldn’t go back home.  Somewhere deep inside I was scared but all I could do was wait and see what they were going to do.  I was very anxious.  When Steve and I left that afternoon to play in the warehouse I took the scalpel out of my kit and put it in my pocket.  It was all I had of my present and all I had of Steve.  I was glad I could put my hand in my pocket and hold it for comfort.  So much had happened that I couldn’t understand.  All I could do was wait.  The scalpel kept me grounded.  It helped my anxiety.  People don’t like to see me act out.  Sometimes I can’t help it.

Someone familiar came through the door of the hospital room.  My bunny’s doctor was there.  He couldn’t save Steve and he couldn’t save the bunny.  I think he was trying to save me.  I don’t know what he told the people in charge but soon we were in a restaurant and there was a plate of food in front of me.  Dr. Glassman pushed it aside.  I wasn’t hungry.  I had seen a book about anatomy.  It was all I could think of.  I had been studying the picture of a human liver.  There were words I hadn’t seen before but somehow I knew what they meant and I understood the structure of the organ.  Dr. Glassman had that same book with him.  After he moved my plate over he placed the book on the table and opened it to the page I had been reading.

Then he told me I would be going home with him and we would figure it all out tomorrow.  I didn’t know what he meant but I felt safe.  I had a place to go.

He got me back in a special school that didn’t want to keep me because I was ahead of the other students which was not hard because they were learning at an elementary level.  I was given tests that placed me in the genius category and I left and went to a different school.  When I got through that Dr. Glassman put me into medical school.  He said it would be a good fit.

So I became a doctor.  I had been living on my own since college and working while I went to school.  Dr. Glassman got me a job in San Jose so I left Casper and flew there.

But before I left I went to my brother’s grave.  I took out my scalpel that I kept in my pocket.  I started to leave it with him.  I crouched on the grass over his grave and dug a little hole to put it in.  I couldn’t do it.  I held it tightly.  I needed it too badly myself.  ‘I hope you don’t mind,’ I told him.  I filled the hole and put the scalpel back in my pocket.

Holding that scalpel had anchored me through a lot of bad times.  It kept me safe while I was walking down the street or when a lot of people were around or after my boss yelled about my mistakes or after I got teased.  Steve always took care of those people but he wasn’t here anymore.  All I had was the scalpel.  So I would hold it, not so they could see it and take it away from me, but grip it in my pocket.  I found I could withstand almost anything.  Medical school wasn’t hard but being around so many students was.  When I became an intern the scalpel got me through a difficult training period.  Sometimes people saw me with it and teased me.  I started wrapping it in a piece of paper or material.  That way I can hold it without anyone seeing it.

My toy scalpel is all I have left of Steve.  He was all I had until I met Dr. Glassman.

It's years later now and I’ve become a surgeon.  I’m a surgical resident at San Jose Saint Bonaventure Hospital.  I’ve made one friend at work, Dr. Brown.  I have a girl neighbor who lives in my apartment building.  And I have Dr. Glassman.  I’ve been able to save three lives so far.  My first surgery case was Oliver.  I thought I could get a chance to operate on a little girl but Dr. Melendez took over.  So far I am allowed to do only scut work and perform suction plus a few other procedures, but nothing surgical.  Not yet.  I always keep my toy scalpel in my pocket.  I make sure it's there before I leave to go to work.  I know it’s there if I need it.

I keep hoping Dr. Melendez will let me use a real one someday.

 

THE END


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